Now you can exercise every time you put on a condom!
Japanese condom maker Okamoto Industries Inc. has releeased a video that hopes to both educate people about how to properly put on a condom and get them to burn a few calories in the process.
Totally ridiculous and completely over-the-top; Okamoto’s new educational video is not at all the kind of boring video about proper condom usage that you might expect to be shown in a high school health class. Although it certainly does go over all the basic steps you need to know in order to properly remove a condom from its packaging and then put it on, the way in which the video does this is… unique to say the least.
The video is titled Condom Training Camp and it is a parody of Billy’s Bootcamp, which is a workout program developed by fitness guru and martial artist Billy Blanks (you may remember him as the Tae Bo guy) that became a pop culture phenomenon in Japan in 2007. Unlike Billy’s Bootcamp though, all the exercises in this video are inspired by the different steps one takes when putting on a condom. Also, even though the trainers for these sort of workout programs tend to be very high-energy and enthusiastic individuals, the one for Condom Training Camp just takes it to a whole different level. Not only does Instructor Condom as he refers to himself, seem to always be speaking at full volume, he also spits out a barrage of horrible puns throughout the video, exhibits some very unusual behavior and seems obsessed with one of his students (keep an eye out for Christie).
On top of Instructor Condom and the unique theme, the video seems to have been filmed completely in English and then dubbed into Japanese. This strange choice was likely made because Billy’s Bootcamp was also dubbed into Japanese. Unfortunately, means that a lot of the puns in the video end up being missed by non-Japanese speakers. On the other hand, the over-the-top dub adds an extra layer of bizarre-ness to this already bizarre video.
The video starts off with Instructor Condom almost immediately making a rather suggestive pun. He asks viewers “genki ni yatteru ka?” While in most contexts this means “Are you doing alright?” it can also mean something along the lines of “Are you gettin’ some?” Immediately after this he makes it perfectly clear that he is fully aware of the double meaning of this question by declaring “”Of course, I meant it in both ways!”
After his opening double entendre our muscular sex ed teacher explains that lately he’s been hearing that there has been an increase in the number of people who can’t put on a condom properly. This statement is followed by a frantic declaration this “CANNOT BE!” He then adds that people who put their partners in danger by not using a condom are the “lowest of the low” and should remain “virgins” their entire lives.
Following his very strong statement about people who don’t wear condoms buff Instructor Condom gets distracted by one of his Condom Training Camp pupils, Christie. As you’ll see throughout the video, both Instructor Condom and one of the male pupils really seems to like Christie. Once he gets over the momentary Christie induced distraction though, he declares that he will teach you how to properly put on a condom.
Step 1: Push the condom to the side
The first step is called “YOSE-YOSENORITA.” As with many of the jokes in this video this name is a play on words. It’s a combination of the Japanese word yoseru, which in this case means to push to the side, and the Spanish word senorita, which means “Miss” or “young lady.” During this segment Instructor Condom declares he will use Okamoto’s 0.01 mm thick condom, which is called the “Okamoto Zero One.” And apparently he dislikes non-Okamoto brand condoms because when a student pulls out one from a different maker, Instructor Condom takes him down without hesitation.
The “push to the side” aspect of this step refers to the act of pushing the condom to the side of the wrapper before tearing open said wrapper.
During this segment too, Instructor Condom can’t help but creep on Christie.
Step 2: Tear it open
The next exercise/step is called “KIRI-KIRI KILIMANJARO.” This name is also a play on words, this time involving the Japanese word kiri, which means “tear” or “cut” and the name of the famous Mount Kilimanjaro. The point in this step is to be very very careful when opening the condom wrapper. Instructor Condom wants you to remember two things; cut your nails so as not to damage the condom, and don’t get distracted BY ANYTHING (including Instructor Condom himself).
There’s a part in this segment where Instructor Condom just stops moving (after making another stupid joke) for several seconds. At the end of this long pause he begins moving again and says “Did you think the video had stopped? It’s ok! It’s still going!” before beginning to laugh maniacally.
Step 3: Inspect the condom for tears
After you have the condom out of the package you have to inspect it in order to make sure that it isn’t damaged. For this you should do the “MIRU-MIRU INFINITY” (miru means to see/look). This is a pretty straightforward exercise and just involves you making a figure 8 (infinity sign) with the hand holding the condom. As you do the figure 8 you must inspect the condom from every angle to make sure it is intact.
Step 4: Put it on.
This step is perhaps the most amusing one. It is called “TSUMA-ORO EXCALIBUR,” or in English “Pinch, Lower, Excalibur.” The “pinch” part refers to pinching (with your fingertips, not nails) the top of the condom as you “lower” it down all the way to the base of the… appendage.
Once the condom is properly on, make sure to shout out “EXCALIBUR!” And as Instructor Condom points out, this shout should be “from the depths of your soul.”
Excalibur!
Excalibur!
And there you go, once you’ve “Excalibur-ed” you’re ready to go!
Instructor Condom closes out the video with an important message, telling everyone “Putting on a condom properly is important, however, even more important than that is caring for your partner! And one more thing. Brush your teeth before kissing!”
EXCALIBUR!!!
Check out the madness for yourself in the video below.
Update: Okamoto has released an English version (no Japanese dub) of this video. Check it out below.
Source: NetLab
Images: コンドーム装着スキルを鍛える「コンドームトレーニングキャンプ 」が誕生！ (Okamoto YouTube Channel)
